The Slammables: 2016

Thursday, August 11, 2016

The Slammables Get 'S**T' From WWE2k16 Download Code (NSFW)

In mid-July, The Slammables were suspended from the WWE2k16 network for uploading "suggestive" images.

The Powers-That-Be were trying to create a wrestler who had text and images on his person blurred out or pixelated, as if the "broadcast" was trying to hide something naughty from the audience.

The uploaded pixelated and blurred-out images were actually benign images and G-rated words.

Nonetheless, The Slammables were given a 14-day rip. The Powers-That-Be accepted the suspension. 2K has to keep those busy-body mothers happy. It's understandable that they protect their product with such diligence.

That's why it was so surprising when The Slammables were given (by the game) an upload code with the word "sh*t" in it.

The Powers-That-Be were too scared to take a screen grab of the code, for fear of getting another suspension, that they took a photograph.

"We understand that 2K has a huge task of keeping everyone happy and offending no one, but apparently their users have to be more diligent about being offensive then they have to be," commented The Powers-That-Be.

Wednesday, August 10, 2016

Faces of Fear Named Tag Team Of the Year

A once relevant magazine has named Faces of Fear "Tag Team of the Year."

The honor is quite odd since it's August and the Faces of Fear only held the Team of Tag titles for about a month.

Faces of Fear are Black Death and Adorable Love Kitty.

"I don't know who reads magazines anymore but they got it right, Faces of Fear are the best tag team on the planet!" boasts Adorable Love Kitty.

"Blood will run in the streets. Boils will fester with black puss. The reckoning shall be recognized and the dead will stand up and eat the flesh of the living," answered Black Death after being asked what he thought of being on a cover of a magazine.

This is the first time any of The Slammables has graced the cover of a magazine. Although The Rockstar dated an issue of Redbook for two weeks and Deuce Danger ate a Popular Mechanics for breakfast.

Tuesday, August 9, 2016

CAW IS WAR - Episode #17 RESULTS!!!

CAW IS WAR celebrates the Olympics. Many of the night's matches had an Olympic theme. Several The Slammables wore t-shirts representing their country of origin and the Olympic rings.

Match 1
The match was supposed to be a race around the ring but Pete Townshend attacked The Mailman before it was over. The Mailman used his finishing move, the Zip Code, to triumph in the ensuing battle.

Match 2
Deuce Danger picks up a victory in his debut match. He pinned Scott Armstrong, also making his The Slammables debut, in the middle of the squared circle, 1-2-3.

Match 3
Colossus Maximus and George Washington competed in a test of strength. Their test turned into a beat down with The Roman getting gold.

Match 4
The Chest Club, Babe and Bombshell, defeated Dirty Diana and Kathy in an epic and hard fought tag team match-up.

Match 5
It began as a traditional Olympic style wrestling match but quickly devolved into a donnybrook. The Olympian got the "W" after he gave Omar Kenneth "The Spar" and pinned him in the center of the ring.

Match 6
A six-man Olympic battle royal featuring General Major (U.S.A.), Deuce Danger (Freedonia), The Rockstar (Great Britain), Big Ham (Greece), and Superstar (Nation) is won by "The Samoan" Jacob Goldman.

Monday, August 8, 2016

Deuce Danger Debuts On CAW IS WAR

It will be a busy night on CAW IS WAR.Not only will The Slammables be honoring the Summer Olympics, currently underway in Rio, they will also be welcoming a new wrestler. Deuce Danger debuts Tuesday on CAW IS WAR.

Deuce Danger is on loan from the wrestling promotion Fresh Freedonia Wrestling. He's also a cyclops.

"Don't let my one eye fool you. I'm a championship caliber wrestler. I've not only dominated Fresh Freedonia Wrestling, but I've dominated wrestling promotions all over the world. I expect to dominate The Slammables too. Just please don't throw anything at me. I have terrible depth perception."

The last wrestlers to make their The Slammables debut have been Broddy Dubb and Omar Kenneth.
The Powers-That-Be warn that more wrestlers are coming.

"HELLO DEUCE! I'M BRAD. I'M THE RESIDENT NINJA AROUND HERE. IF YOU NEED ANY NINJAING JUST ASK ME. I'M A NINJA!" whispers Brad, The Ninja.

"Who are you? Who? Who? Who? Who?" asks Pete Townshend.

"Welcome Brudda. Mazel tov, uso. We can always use another good mentsh around here," acknowledges "The Samoan" Jacob Goldman.

CAW IS WAR is every Tuesday night on Twitch. The show begins roughly at 9pm and continues being rough.

Sunday, August 7, 2016

Interview With Clark Schliebe

Recently, TheSlammables.com sat down with current Mr. Belt holder, and the promotion's resident nerd, Clark Schleibe.

TheSlammables.com: Are you a geek or a nerd?
Clark Schliebe: Yes, but I'm not a spaz. Ha! Ha! Ha!

TheSlammables.com: How did it feel to when Mr. Belt?
Clark Schliebe: It was magnificent. It was even better then when I beat my friend at Magic: The Gathering on turn three.

TheSlammables.com: Have you ever kissed a girl?
Clark Schliebe: Ha! Ha! Ha! Girls. Does my cousin count?

TheSlammables.com: Who is your favorite superhero?
Clark Schliebe: There's an eleven-way tie for my favorite superhero between Green Lantern, Flash, Wolverine, Cyclops, Spider-Man, The Hulk, Batman, The Atom, Nightwing, Deadpool, and The Black Canary.

TheSlammables.com: Do you have any special words for your fans, for the Nerd Herd?
Clark Schliebe: Thank you for supporting me. You're the best. Dungeons and Dragons!

The interviews ends as Clark Schliebe runs away while waving his arms over his head.

Saturday, August 6, 2016

Babe Boasts 'Being Best Boring'

Babe tells TheSlammables.com that she's the best woman wrestler in the promotion and bored with the lack of competition.

"I'm the best woman wrestler in the promotion and bored with the lack of competition," Babe told TheSlammables.com.

Babe won the The Slammables Women's Global Slampionship at Slammables Genesis. Since then she has lost just one match and that match was after she was jumped by Good Girl.

"I've lost just one match and that was after I was jumped by Good Girl."

Babe has successfully defended her title at every PPV.

"Don't get me wrong. I love being champion, but it's getting to the point where I'm barely breaking a sweat. If it doesn't get better, I may start wrestling men."

Failed contenders for her title include Good Girl, Marilyn The Monster, and The Basket Case.

"This is no joke: Babe is the best The Slammables has to offer. Want to smell my flower?" asks Fingers.

"I wouldn't mind wrestling Babe. If you know what I mean. Rock and Roll!" says The Rockstar.

"Babe is..." whispers Clark Schliebe as he looks around awkwardly and wrings his hands "...a girl."

Friday, August 5, 2016

The Slammables To Pay Tribute To Olympics

The Slammables will pay tribute to the 2016 Rio Summer Olympics during the next episode of CAW IS RAW

The nature of the tribute has not been announced but we've been assured that the tribute won't include a torch.

"The Olympics is a thing and we are a thing. So it makes sense that our things should cross," explains the Powers-That-Be.

No The Slammables has ever competed in the Olympics. The Olympian is named after the town he lives in. Although he does have a gold medal.

Incidentally, seven WWE superstars have competed in the Olympics.

"I love the Olympics. My favorite sports are the equestrian events," notes The Horse Man.

"I'm more of a Winter Olympics guy," admits Avalanche.

"It's going to happen in Rio. Freedonia will win its first Olympic medal," predicted Deuce Danger.

CAW IS WAR happens Tuesday nights around 8pm on Twitch.

Thursday, August 4, 2016

The Slammables Now Selling Merchandise

It may not be much now, but The Slammables website now has its own merchandising section.

Recently added, Shoppables is where fans can go to spend a bunch of money on cheap products with The Slammables logos on them.

Right now, the site is only selling The Slammables teddy bears, t-shirts, and mugs, but more products, including shirts dedicated to the wrestlers, are on their way.

“We wanted to make more money so we decided to sell crap people don’t need. I’m going to buy a Winnebago and a meat smoker with my portion of the profits,” explained the CFO of the Powers-That-Be.

You can reach The Slammables store by clicking here.

All orders will be delivered by The Mailman.

“I want a teddy bear. It’s hairy like me,” said Bearwolfe.

“Ask yourself who is benefiting from Shoppables. Ask yourself where is the money going. When you do that, you will see, like I already see, just how big this conspiracy truly is,” answered “The Real Deal” Ryan Davis after he was asked if he's been to the Shoppables page.

“I’m going to buy a mug and put alcohol in it. Rock and Roll!” exclaimed The Rockstar.

Wednesday, August 3, 2016

CAW IS WAR 'What If?' Special RESULTS!!!

Taking a break from their normal The Slammables action, certain The Slammables battle their real-life virtual Wwe counterpart. All the WWE legends selected were either retired or semi-retired.

Match 1
Christian Crimson defeats Kane.

Match 2
Babe leaps from the top rope to finally put away WWE Hall of Famer Trish Stratus.

Match 3
The New Natural Disasters beat the original Natural Diasasters. Avalance pins Typhoon.

Match 4
Daniel Bryan kicks his way to victory. He pins The Oympian in the center of the ring. Yes! Yes! Yes!

Match 5
"The Real Deal" Ryan Davis kicks out of the pedigree and goes on to pin Triple HHH in the main event.

The Slammables vs. The Slammables returns next week on CAW IS WAR!

Tuesday, August 2, 2016

'What If?" Tonight On A Very Special CAW IS WAR

Tonight on CAW IS WAR, The Slammables will take a break from wrestling one another. Instead, they will wrestle their counterparts from the WWE Universe.

The evening is being called "What If?" and will feature matches with Triple H, Trish Stratus, and Kane, just to name three.

"Most people probably don't know, then again most people probably don't care, that many of The Slammables are patterned, modeled, or a reaction to real-life WWE superstars," explained The Slammables Powers-That-Be.

For example, The Olympian was made as a tribute to Daniel Bryan. The Olympian uses Daniel Bryan's entrance and his move set (minus his finishers).

"The beauty of The Slammables is we're not bound by time and space like other wrestling promotions. The laws of physics don't apply to us," waxed Clark Schleibe.

"If this is the best of The Slammables taking on the best of the WWE, then why am I not wrestling Roman Reigns?" asked Colossus Maximus.

"I'd like to see Big Ham take on the Big Show or Omar Kenneth battle Kevin Owens, or The Faces of Fear duel The Hardys," gushed Kathy.

All of the chosen WWE wrestlers are retired or nearly retired.

Tonight's main event will feature "The Real Deal" Ryan Davis taking on Triple H (circa 2001).

Monday, August 1, 2016

Draft Coming To The Slammables

The Powers-That-Be that operate The Slammables have announced plans for a draft.

This draft won't split The Slammables into two, like the WWE Draft did. Instead, Slammables may be drafted to one of four teams.

The four teams will be led by managers. These managers will make the selections for their respective teams. These teams will then enter into a league-like, multi-week competition.

"We think this is a swell idea. Actually, we don't know what it is. We were all pretty tired when we made the decision. Truthfully, most of us have no idea what we even agreed to," said The Slammables Powers-That-Be.

Not every The Slammables will be drafted. The exact make up of the teams will be announced later. The Powers-That-Be did say the teams will consist of at least four wrestlers.

"She-oot! I hope I'm done drafted. I haven't been on a team since my calf ropin' days," said Maverick.

"Draft? Sounds more like a conspiracy. Count me out," explains "The Real Deal" Ryan Davis.

"As long as there are no dwarves, orcs, or hobbits on my team I'll be okay," notes Azrael Draven.

Expect more details about The Slammables Draft, including when the draft will happen, in the near future.

Sunday, July 31, 2016

Led Zeppelin IV PPV Results

The Slammables fourth PPV, Led Zeppelin IV, sees two belts change hands as well as epic battle for the Men's World Slampionship.

Match 1
Colossus Maximus dominates The Rockstar and gets the easy 1-2-3. For the match, The Rockstar was high on mushrooms.

Match 2
THe Chick Magnets gets the victory over The C.I.A. in an epic tag match. Cottonbelly pinned Omega.

Match 3
Babe survives Good Girl to retain her Women's World Slampionship.

Match 4
Big Ham pins General Major to emerge victorious. Also in this fatal-four way extreme match was Jacob Goldman and Christian Crimson.

Match 5
The Face of Fear dazzle the crowd and silence their opponents. Adorable Kitty Love pins Fingers to give The Face of Fear the victory and momentum in the tag team division.

Match 6
Clark Schliebe holds The Mailman's shoulders down for three seconds and gets the three seconds tan. With the victory he becomes the new Mr. Belt holder.

Match 7
Mr. Olympian maintains his belt in an epic contest against Slugger.

The Slammables next PPV, Summer's Eve, is set for August

Colossus Maximus Set To Return Tonight At Led Zeppelin IV

Colossus Maximus will return to The Slammables tonight at Led Zeppelin IV.

Maximus has been out of action since he wrestled The Olympian, Christian Crimson, and "The Real Deal" Ryan Davis consecutively in the same CAW IS WAR.

"During my time away, I realized just how much I love professional wrestling and how much I need to compete in the squared circle. I also realized daytime television really sucks," explained Colossus Maximus.

Colossus Maximus will wrestle The Rockstar.

Friday, July 29, 2016

CAW IS WAR - Episode #15 RESULTS!!!!

The Slammables fourth PPV is just days away. To get ready for the big event, Babe took on Good Girl, The Olympian battled Slugger, and the woman's division held one heck of a tag team match.

Match #1
Mr. Belt holder, The Mailman, gets George Washington to submit in a triple threat match. General Major also competed in the match

Match #2
To get her back for attacking her last week before their match, Babe jumps Good Girl before the bell. She also held on for the victory.

Match #3
An epic 6-woman tag team match ends with Little Kane pinning Maverick. Little Kane's partners were The Basket Case and Marilyn The Monster. Maverick tagged with Bombshell and Dirty Diana.

Match #4
The Chick Magnets looked really good in their tag match against The C.I.A. Cottonbelly pinned Alpha.

Match #5
Perhaps wanting to save himself for Sunday, The Olympian quickly taps out to Slugger.

Get ready to "Rock and Roll!" Led Zeppelin IV is this Sunday. It's The Slammables fourth PPV.

Thursday, July 28, 2016

The Olympian Defends Title Against Slugger At Led Zeppelin iV

It's official. The Men's Global Slampion, The Olympian, will defend his title against Slugger this Sunday night at the PPV Led Zeppelin IV.

All month these two The Slammables have been going back and forth, in and outside of the ring.

"Slugger is going to learn how we do things in Olympia. Then, when he learns that, I'm going to teach him how we do things in Thurston County. After that, how we do things in Washington State. If he still has no clue then the only humane thing to do is put him out of his misery. Slugger, get ready to be put down. You're not taking my belt at Led Zeppelin IV. If this Olympian has any say in the matter, you'll be "Going To California."

"The Olympian you dare to step onto the mound when I'm in the batter's box? Go ahead. Give me your best pitch. Throw me your heater. Throw me a slider. Throw me an off-speed pitch. It doesn't matter. I'm calling my shot and you're about to be smacked straight out of the park and over the fence. I will hit a home run on Sunday at Led Zeppelin IV and take your belt home with me. Play ball!"

"The Olympian versus Slugger, it should be a good match, Brudda. I'm going have spritz, relax, and watch the land-loving goys wrestle."

This is the second PPV in a row that The Olympian has defended his title. At Deep Threat, he defended his Slampioinship against General major.

Wednesday, July 27, 2016

The Slammables Joining Forces With Fresh Freedonia Wrestling

The Slammables have announced a partnership with Fresh Freedonia Wrestling (FFW). The FFW is the top professional wrestling promotioin in the nation of Freedonia.

The partnership means Slammables will wrestle for FFW and wrestlers from FFW will wrestle in The Slammables. The deal also includes merchandise, broadcast rights, and up to three ice cream socials.

"We are very... ah, what's the word I'm looking for?...Ah, yes! 'Happy.' We are very happy to team with Fresh Freedonia Wrestling. We can't wait until things happen and stuff occurs," said The Slammables' Powers-To-Be at the press conference announcing the partnership.

"Yuk ji gile de trout wo vin qute coi keel bo," gushed the president of Free Freedonia Wrestling. Then she started to mumble and no one could understand her.

There is no timetable as to when the two professional wrestling promotions will swap wrestlers. Several members of The Slammables have wrestled in Freedonia before including Slugger, Big Ham, Broddy Dubb, Bombshell, and Omar Kenneth--although he was just okay.

Incidentally, the third major cause of death in Freedonia is over-inflated tires exploding.

This is good news for the nation of Freedonia. The country is currently experiencing ethnic cleansing so bad it's an ethnic car wash.

The flag of Freedonia.

Tuesday, July 26, 2016

CAW IS WAR - Episode #14 RESULTS!!!!

With Led Zeppelin IV less than a week away, things are getting really heavy on CAW IS WAR!

Match #1
The Chick Magent attract a win by repelling The New Natural Disasters.

Match #2
Good Girl defeats Babe after attacking her from behind before the match.

Match #3
"The Real Deal" Ryan Davis pins Azrael Draven to win a 4-way extreme rules match. Also competing were Omar Kenneth and Broddy Dubb.

Match #4
Clark Schliebe wins a six-man battle royal to become the number one contender for Mr. Belt. Also in the match were The Horse Man, The Surgeon, Brad The Ninja, Superstar, and Pete Townshend.

Match #5
Despite Slugger being ringside, The Olympian overcomes the distraction to oink out a victory over Big Ham.

Look for a special CAW IS WAR later this week. The special will feature The Olympian, Babe, Slugger, Good Girl, The Mailman, and "The Real Deal" Ryan Davis.

Sunday, July 24, 2016

Led Zeppelin IV PPV Scheduled For July 31

The Slammables fourth PPV, Led Zeppelin IV, has been announced for July 31.

While the card has not been announced, fans should expect to see Slampions The Olympian, Babe, and The C.I.A. as well as "The Real Deal" Ryan Davis, Slugger, Good Girl, and The Chick Magnets.

"This should be one of the top four The Slammables PPV of all-time," claims "The Samoan" Jacob Goldman.

"The next The Slammables PPV should be 'The Battle of Evermore," boasts Babe.

"'When The Levee Break" don't be "Going to California," just take the 'Stairway to Heaven', feed the 'Black Dog', get out your 'Four Sticks', turn on The Slammables, and get ready to 'Rock and Roll,'" exclaims Cottonbelly.

Look for more details about Led Zeppelin IV on the upcoming episode of CAW IS WAR.

Unfortunately, Led Zeppelin will not be performing at the eponymously named pay per view.

Saturday, July 23, 2016

The Olympian/Slugger Rivalry Heating Up

The rivalry between The Olympian and Slugger is intensifying.

During episode #13 of CAW IS RAW, The Olympian took advantage of a Slugger mistake and pinned the utility infielder with a crucifix.

After the match, Slugger attacked The Olympian from behind. Or at least he tried to. You can see what actually happened in the above video.

"I beat you in the middle of the ring, Slugger. I beat your fair and square. How do you react? Do you act like a man? No. You act like a petulant child. You act like a pampered, spoiled Major League baseball player. Like any baseball player who acts like they are bigger than the game, you need to be thrown out. And I'm just the man to do it."

"You think I attacked you from behind because I'm a coward? Once again The Olympian, you completely miss the point. Once again, you completely drop the ball. I attacked you from behind because you're a threat to my title. That's right. The belt you wear around your waist is mine. I'm coming for you. I'm calling my shot and the Men's Global Slampionship will be coming home to the Slugger! Play Ball!"

Friday, July 22, 2016

CAW IS WAR - Episode #13 RESULTS!!!!

The Slammables fourth PPV, Led Zeppelin IV is just eight days away and the rivalries are heating up during another exciting episode of CAW IS WAR.

Match 1
The C.I.A. squash The New Natural Disasters. Avalanche didn't even make a tag and was pinned by Omega. During their celebration The Chick Magnets came to the stage to remind The C.I.A. that they want their belts.

Match 2
Good Girl attacks the Babe before the match but no worries. The champ dismantles Little Kane and gets the 1-2-3. Afterwards, Good Girl returns and mocks the champ by pretending the belt is around her waist.

Match 3
Despite "The Samoan" Jacob Goldman flying off the top rope, Big Ham gets the victory by pinning Clark Schliebe in this ultra exciting triple threat match. Oink Power!

Match 4
The Olympian capitalizes on Slugger's mistake and uses the crucifix pin to get the victory. After the match, Slugger tries to attack The Olympian from behind, but the champ has none of it and tosses the ballplayer out of the ring.

Match 5
"The Real Deal" Ryan Davis defeats Azrael Draven in a heated slugfest. Davis gets the pin fall after summiting the top rope and performing his "Ancient Astronaut" finishing move.

Turn in next episode to see The Olympian, The Chick Magnets, and Babe in action. As well as an exciting fatal 4-way extreme rules match featuring "The Real Deal" Ryan Davis, Azrael Draven, Omar Kenneth, and Broddy Dubb.

"Real Deal" Ryan Davis Blames Reptoids For No Slampionships

"Real Deal" Ryan Davis is blaming his lack of Slampionships on Reptoids.

What are Reptoids?"

"Reptoids are human-like reptilians that are from another planet. They have come to Earth to do many things one of which is to keep me from winning a Slampionship," explains Davis.

Davis did not say how he knew this but did say that there's at least one reptoid in the Powers-That-Be, the group that runs The Slammables.

"I'm the best Slammable on the planet. I should have been Slammpion already. The fact that I haven't proves there's a conspiracy against me. I believe that conspiracy starts with a reptoid."

During the same interview, Davis also announced he switched to a shampoo and conditioner.

Monday, July 18, 2016

CAW IS WAR - Episode #12 RESULTS!!!!

The action continues on a special Monday edition of CAW IS WAR. All champions find themselves in action.

Match 1
The Chicks Magnets (McGorilla McGregor and Cottonbelly) are triumphant against the Team of Tag Champions The C.I.A. (Alpha and Omega).

Match 2
Globale Women's Slampion, Babe, keeps rolling. She pins Good Girl.

Match 3
The New Natural Disasters (Avalanche and Sunshine) are too much for The Villagers (Fingers and Flapjack).

Match 4
Broddy Dubb battles a real wrestler, The Olympian, and loses. Even so, he did impress.

Match 5
"The Real Deal" Ryan Davis proves the postman always gets pinned or in this case Mr. Belt holder, The Mailman.

On the next CAW IS WAR, The Olympian battles Slugger and "The Real Deal" Ryan Davis grapples with Azrael Draven.

Sunday, July 17, 2016

Interview With Babe

Slammables.com recently sat down and spoke with the Women's World Slampion, Babe.

Slammables.Com: Why the name "Babe?"
Babe: I'm taking back the word. "Babe" is like "doll face" or "broad" or "kitten." It's sexist. But I'm a strong, independent chick. So you see, my name is ironic in a way. I like that.

Slammables.Com: How did you get your start in wrestling?
Babe: Well, the guy who creates the wrestlers needed characters and he modeled me after his real-life partner. He calls her "Babe" so that's why he calls me "Babe." Which is the actual answer to your first question.

Slammables.Com: On the back of your trunks is written "It's Not My Birthday." What does that mean?
Babe: That is something my real analog always says. It usually follows her suggesting a restaurant or a movie. It's her way of saying "This is what I want but I understand if you disagree." Of course, when it is one's birthday you get to call all the shots.

Slammables.Com: How long are you going to be Slampion?
Babe: One day short of forever.

Slammables.Com: Who is your favorite professional wrestler?
Babe: I have several. Of those currently wrestling it's Sasha Banks, Bayley. Kevin Owens, Chris Jericho, Kane, Big Show, Big Cass, and Enzo. Of all-time, it's Mick Foley, Trish Stratus, Lita, HBK, and Triple H.

Saturday, July 16, 2016

CAW IS WAR - Deep Threat PPV RESULTS!!!!

Deep Threat, The Slammables third PPV, offered deep excitement. Three belts were on the line and a new one, Mr. Belt, was introduced. If that wasn't enough, the night's main event was a six-man Money in the Bank match.

Match 1
Babe defends her Women's Global Slampionship by pinning Marilyn The Monster.

Match 2
The belts stay with The C.I.A. as Alpha pins Cottonbelly of The Chick Magnets.

Match 3
Kathy and Maverick can't escape the power and magic of The Basket Case and Zynda The Witch.

Match 4
Brody Dubb makes a successful The Slammables debut against The Rockstar.

Match 5
The Mailman stuns everyone by capturing the brand new Mr. Belt. He did so in a six-man ladder match that also featured Pete Townshend, Clark Schliebe, Bearwolfe, Brad The Ninja, and The Surgeon.

Match 6
The Olympian holds on to his title, the Men's Global Slampionship, by out maneuvering General Major.

Match 7
Omar Kenneth wins a six-man Money in the Bank match. He beat Christian Crimson, Big Ham, Jacob Goldman, Azrael Braven and Ryan Davis to the contract. The contract guarantees O.K. a shot at the Men's Global Slampionship any time he wants.

The Slammables next PPV, Led Zeppelin IV, is coming in July..

Wednesday, July 13, 2016

CAW IS WAR - Episode #11 RESULTS!!!!

CAW IS WAR - Episode #11 RESULTS!!!!

During the ninth episode of CAW IS WAR a lot of questions were asked and answers. Who's The Slammables best tag team? Who is The Slammables best female grappler? Who is next in line for a title shot?

Match #1
The C.I.A. blows over Hein and Klein

Match #2
Babe casts a spell over Zynda The Witch to get the 1-2-3.

Match #3
"The Samoan" Jacob Goldman is better than "Okay" in his match against Kenneth Omar.

Match #4
Big Ham pins Brad The Ninja in an Extreme Rules triple threat match. The third competitor was Slugger.

Match #5
General Major pins "The Real Deal" Ryan Davis to emerge victorious in the night's fatal 4-way mian evet.. Also competing were The Horse Man and The Surgeon.

Sunday, July 10, 2016

The Slammables Banned From WWE2K16 Network

The Slammables have been banned from using the WWE2K16 network for two weeks. They will come off suspension on July 24th.

The suspension stems from The Slammables violating 2K's user policy, in particular uploading suggestive material.

"I'm not quite sure why we've been banned," says The Slammables Director of Creating Wrestlers. "2K did not say specifically but parsing their email and putting two and two together I think we were banned because of a wrestler we were trying to create."

The wrestler in question was going to have pixelated images and blurred out words on his attire as well as a zipper across his mouth. Everything was designed to create an effect that the "broadcast" was distorting the images and words.

"We blurred out the words 'folk you' and 'cook sucker.' We pixelated images of The Beatles, Big Ben, American Idol contestants, Russell Wilson, and the Taj Mahal. We took innocent words and images and by distorting them we apparently made them inappropriate."

The Slammables take full responsibility for the error and hold no grudge against 2K although they would like to know exactly why they were banned so they can avoid such behavior in the future. The above is only speculation.

"It's kind of sad. WWE 2K16 is a violent game where one wrestler can make another one bleed. That is find, but suggesting a few words or pixelating an image is cause for suspension? I think that value system is backwards, and sadly, I think 2K is just mimicking the value systems of a small but vocal group of parents."

Slammables.com asked Stone Cold Steve Austin for comment but he just gave us the middle finger. When we asked X-Pac for a reaction, but he just chopped his crotch. Finally we approached The Godfather, but he excused himself by saying he was late for the "Ho Train."

"I saw this coming as I stirred my brew, but I didn't say anything because I'm evil!" said Zynda The Witch.

"If you can get banned for pixelated images, what's the punishment for excessively swearing at your opponents when you play Dota 2?" asked Clark Schliebe.

"I weep along with the U.S. Constitution and the other Founding Fathers," boasts George Washington.

Tuesday, July 5, 2016

CAW IS WAR - Episode #10 RESULTS!!!!

CAW IS WAR - Episode #10 RESULTS!!!!

The broadcast was wrought with technical difficulties but the ring was wrought with hard-hitting, fast-paced, real virtual wrestling!

Match #1
The Olympian pins The Superstar in the middle of the ring for the victory.

Match #2
The Chest Club, Babe and Bombshell, checkmate the team of Maverick and Sugarfoot.

Match #3
Pete Townshend doesn't get fooled again and defeats The Rockstar in a battle of music legends.

Match #4
The Chick Magnets upset The C.I.A. in semi-exciting tag team action. Cottonbelly pinned Omega.

Match #5
Omar Kennth makes his The Slammables debut and falls to "The Real Deal" Ryan Davis.

Thursday, June 9, 2016

The Slammables Invests Heavily In New Technology

To prevent technically difficulties that occurred in CAW IS WAR Episode #10, The Powers-That-Be at The Slammables have made a substantial investment in new technology.

This new technology will aid in the promotion's live broadcasts and when they make coffee.

The big purchases include the TP-Link N300, a VersionTech KOTION G2000 3.5mm broadcast suite, and a Keurig Hot K2000 2.0 Plus Series Single Serve Coffee Maker.

The Slammables did not release the exact amount they spent on the TP-Link N300, a VersionTech KOTION G2000 3.5mm broadcast suite, and Keurig Hot K2000 2.0 Plus Series Single Serve Coffee Maker but people who know absolutely nothing about such things estimate the equipment to be around $1.3 gazillion.

"We were very upset with the technical difficulties experienced during episode ten. So we decided we needed to do something and that something was to throw a bunch of money at the problem. Also, we wanted waffles and hitherto we could only make pancakes," explained The Slammables CFO.

The equipment will be installed within the next day or two in time for the next episode of CAW IS WAR.

"I'm very happy! I love a good cup of coffee!" yells Brad The Ninja.

"The equipment is very heavy," notes The Mailman. "I should know I delivered it."

"I hope I don't spill any of the coffee on me... or the TP-Link N300, or the VersionTech KOTION G2000 3.5mm broadcast suite!" proclaimed Dirty Diana.

Monday, June 6, 2016

Mike Reynolds R.I.P. 2016-2016

The Slammables Mike Reynolds has died in a freak vending machine accident.

Reynolds misjudged an eight-ounce can of Old Country Time Lemonade. The Surgeon said he never had a chance but he did died refreshed.

Adding insult to injury, the machine kept his change.

Everyone connected with The Slammables, except for one person, sends their condolences to the Reynolds family.

Reynolds was an awful wrestler and a below average performer, but he was adored by his fellow Slammables (except for one).

"Reynolds will be missed and I'm never using a vending machine again," said The Olympian.

"Mike was a real nice guy. Everyone loved him, well everyone except for one person," explained Babe.

"If you think his death was an accident, you're crazy. He was murdered as part of a conspiracy. That's all I can say about right now," whispered "The Real Deal" Ryan Davis.

Oddly enough memorial services were held last week while Reynolds was still alive. His memorial service followed that of his late great uncle. Reynolds capitalized on a 2-for-1 Groupon for a funeral home.

Wednesday, June 1, 2016

The Slammables Partner To Fight Clematis

The Slammables have announced a partnership with the nonprofit Diseases Schmiseases to fight Clematis.

Clematis affects a bunch of people every year, usually those with outdoor gardens.

The partnership will include personal appearances, awareness raising, and dead-heading.

It begins in earnest this Tuesday night on CAW IS RAW. The arena will be branding with the campaign and wrestlers will wear the white flower which symbolizes Clematis awareness.

"We are proud to partner with Diseases Schmiseases to raise awareness for a debilitating ailment, like Clematis. The Slammables care about people and their diseases. Hopefully, we can all prune this awful calamity before the end of the decade," said "The Real Deal" Ryan Davis on his way to the gym.

This is the first time Diseases Schmiseases has partner with a virtual wrestling promotion. All of their previous partnerships have been with semi-pro Slovakian handball teams.

"To partner with a group like The Slammables is an opportunity to good to pass up. I mean they have literally ones of fans," gushed Ran Unculaceae, executive director of Diseases Schmiseases.

CAW IS RAW - Episode #9 RESULTS!!!!

Tuesday night was Ladies Night on CAW IS WAR. Every match featured female competitors. The entire female portion of the Slammables roster appeared on episode number nine.

Match 1
Little Kane throttles Kathy in a falls count anywhere match.

Match 2
Sugarfoot, with Flapjack in her corner, gets the 1-2-3 over Maverick.

Match 3
Bombshell climbs out of the steel cage to triumph over Good Girl, the number one contender for the Women's World Slampionship.

Match 4
Marilyn The Monster pins Dirty Diana to win a triple threat match. The third member of this match was Zynda The Witch.

Match 5
The Basket Case makes her Slammables debut but fails to defeat Babe in a submission match.

Saturday, May 28, 2016

Deep Threat PPV Coming In June

The Slammables third PPV, Deep Threat, is set to go down on the third Sunday of June or June 19th.

The main event will see The Babe defend her Women's World Slampionship against Good Girl.

Opening the night, will be Team of Tag Slampions, The C.I.A. (Alpha and Omega), putting their belts on the line against The Chick Magnets (McGorilla McGregor and Cottonbelly).

Somewhere in between will be a ladder match. The ladders involved have not yet been named.

Also on the card will be The Olympian, "The Real Deal" Ryan Davis, and Corey the referee.

The Slammables first PPV, Caw @ The Aquarium, was held in April.

In May, fans enjoyed Time of Month.

Wednesday, May 25, 2016

CAW IS RAW - Episode #8 RESULTS!!!!

The main event sequence contained four matches, all featuring Colossus Maximus.

Match 1
The Chest Club, Babe and Bombshell, defeat Good Girl and Maverick.

Match 2
Big Ham escapes the steel cage first and gets the win over Azrael Draven.

Match 3
Clark Schliebe rallies to pin Superstar in a falls count anywhere match.

Match 4

"The Real Deal" Ryan Davis decimates Colossus Maximus in an extreme rules match.

Match 5

Christian Crimson uses his finishing move twice to down Maximus, also in an extreme rules match.

Match 6

Crimson and Davis pick up an easy victory over Maximus in a 2-on-1 handicap match.

Match 7

The Olympian successfully defends his title as he mercifully pins Maximus in the center of the ring.

Maximus, forced to compete in his rematch after wrestling in three consecutive tilts, now goes to the back of his line. He also goes to the hospital with multiple lacerations, a broken rib, and a concussion.

Tuesday, May 24, 2016

MAJOR NEWS: Crimson Wakes, Davis Vindicated, Maximus Not Punished!!!

Christian Crimson awoke today from his coma, a coma he entered during a match with "The Real Deal" Ryan Davis.

The powers-that-be, fearing Davis was responsible, suspended the Slammable indefinitely.

Upon waking, Crimson cleared Davis of any wrong doing and blamed former Men's Global Slampion Colossus Maximus. Crimson said Maximus gave him a poisoned shrimp before his match against Davis.

Crimson eats crustaceans before every match. It is his ritual.

When confronted with Crimson's accusation, Maximus denied nothing. He said he did what he had to do to Slammables who "really weren't that important."

The powers that be have reinstated Ryan Davis. Christian Crimson has also been cleared to wrestler. Both Slammables will be at Tuesday night's CAW IS WAR.

As for Colossus Maximus, the powers have no plans to punish him.

In fact...

This Tuesday night, Colossus Maximus will get his rematch against current Men's Global Slampion, The Olympian.

However...

Before that match, Maximus will face Davis in an extreme rules match. Then he'll face Christian Crimson in an extreme rules match.

Following that match, Maximus will wrestle Crimson and Davis in one-on-two handicap tag match.

Immediately, at the conclusion of that match, Maximus, or what's left of him, will take on The Olympian.

So, that will be Colossus Maximus' Tuesday night,, but The Slammabes have no plans to punish Maximus "

Monday, May 23, 2016

Time Of Month PPV - RESULTS!!!

The Slammables second PPV saw the transfer of two titles. Meanwhile, the men needed a tournament to decide their number one contender. The women's division only needed one match.

Match 1
In their Slammables debut, The Villagers defeat Hein & Klein.

Match 2
Good Girl pins Bombshell to become the number one contender for the Women's World Slampionship.

Match 3
After losing twice in a row to Big Ham, Azrael Draven finally beats his rival.

Match 4
The Cyborgs In Action get the 1-2-3 over The Faces of Fear to capture the Team of Tag belts.

Match 5
The Babe uses her "Babe Hug" to force Little Kane to submit. With the win, Babe retains her Women's World Slampionship.

Match 6
"The Samoan" Jacob Goldman blitzes The Rockstar to pick up an easy victory.

Match 7
The Olympian upends Colossus Maximus via submission to claim the Men's Global Slampionship.

Also, Sugarfoot accompanied The Villagers to the ring while Marilyn The Monster was in Little Kane's corner.

Sunday, May 22, 2016

The Olympian Wins Belt At Time Of Month

The Olympian forced Colossus Maximus to tap out in the main event of The Slammables' second PPV, Time of Month.

With the victory, The Olympian captures the Men's World Slampionship.

Maximus was in control for most of the match. He even stopped two pinning opportunities he had over The Olympian. He stopped his pins, both times he appeared to be on the verge of victory. to humiliate and punish The Olympian.

Then, seemingly out of nowhere, The Olympian put Maximus in The Sleater-Kinney. Before Slamnatics knew it, the champ was submitting.

"I can't believe I'm the Men's World Slampion. There are so many great wrestlers in The Slammables and for me to hold the title is beyond belief. I want to thank all my friends, family, and legislators in Olympia as well as all my fans. I couldn't have done this without you," The Olympian told a fake houseplant after the match.

As for Colossus Maximus, he seemed nonplussed. He was so dominate, and twice had the match won, thtat it's hard to fathom, especially for him, an Olympian victory

Wednesday, May 18, 2016

Time Of Month PPV This Sunday

The Slammables second PPV is scheduled for Sunday night @ 9pm on Twitch.

The evening's main event is a Men's Global Slampionship match between title holder Colossus Maximus and number one contender The Olympian.

Th Olympian earned a title shot thanks to winning the Slammables number one contender tournament. To survive the 17-man tournament, The Olympian defeated Pete Townshend, The Horseman, Slugger, Clark Schliebe, and Azrael Draven.

By virtue of drawing lots, The Olympian was forced to wrestle Townshend in an opening round match.

Before the main event, Babe will defend her Women's World Slampionship against Little Kane and The Faces of Fear put their belts on the line when they square off against The Cyborgs of Action.

Also on the card are "The Samoan" Jacob Goldman, Bombshell, and The Villagers.

Once again, Big Ham will tangle with Azrael Draven. Their feud started a couple of weeks ago on twitter.

Tuesday, May 17, 2016

The Olympian Wins Tournament, Now #1 Contender

The Olympian used his finishing move, The Spar, to defeat Azrael Draven and win The Slammables first ever #1 contender tournament.

The wrestler from Washington State will now face Colossus Maximus at Sunday's PPV, Time of Month.

"This is the second greatest night of my wrestling life. The greatest night of my wrestling life was when I found a $20 bill on the way to the ring. That was cool."

To become number one contender, The Olympian had to defeat Slugger, Clark Schliebe, and Azrael Draven.

Azrael had advanced to finals after defeating General Major and Big Ham.

Backstage, after the match, Big Ham reportedly laughed so hard he pulled a muscle.

If you recall, Big Ham and Azrael wrestled last week on CAW IS WAR to settle a Twitter feud.

Elite Eight For #1 Contender Tournament

The field is set.

Tonight on CAW IS WAR the quarterfinals, semifinals, and finals will take place.

Eight Slammables have a chance to become the number one contender for the Men's Global Slampionship. To do so they must win three matches in a row.

The winner of the tournament will face Colossus Maximus at May's PPV, Time Of Month. That event is scheduled to go down this Sunday.

The first match will feature The Olympian vs. Slugger. After that, Clark Schliebe battles "The Samoan" Jacob Goldman. The winners of both matches will meet in the semifinals.

On the other side of the bracket, Big Ham tangles with The Mailman and Azrael Draven clashes with General Major.

Monday, May 16, 2016

The Olympian Advances, The Horseman Does Not

The Olympian becomes the first Slammables to win two matches in the number one contender tournament.

He defeated Pete Townshend in the opening round and just a bit ago he downed The Horseman in the first round.

The Olympian is now in the elite eight and will wrestle Slugger for the honor of advancing to the final four. The winner of The Olympian versus Slugger will wrestle the winner of "The Samoan" Jacob Goldman and Clark Schliebe.

The final three rounds of the first ever Slammables tournament will go down Tuesday on CAW IS WAR. The winner of the tourney will face Men's Global Slampion Colossus Maximus at the May PPV, Time of Month.

The Olympian defeated The Horseman via submission.

The Olympian put The Horseman in the Sleater-Kinney only to see him wriggle free. After administering his finishing move, The Spar, The Olympian put The Horseman in yet another Sleater-Kinney.

This time The Horseman didn't escape. He tapped out.

Goldman Silences The Rockstar

"The Samoan" Jacob Goldman silenced The Rockstar with his high flying antics to advance to the quarterfinals of The Slammables tournament to decide the number one contender for the Men's Global Slampionship.

Goldman will now clash with Clark Schliebe this Tuesday on CAW IS WAR.

The winner of that match will face the winner of The Olympian versus Slugger contest.

The current Slammpion is Colossus Maximus.

The Rockstar showed up 62 minutes late and then spent several moments jumping off the top rope and yelling at an imaginary dragon.

When The Rockstar started to come down that's when Goldman started to take over. After a few strikes, a couple of flying clotheslines, the Samoan took to the top turnbuckles.

Once Goldman started flying it was only a matter of time before he picked up the victory.

Azrael Impeaches Washington, Moves On

Azrael Draven needed to use his finishing move, The Orc Smasher, not once, not twice, not thrice, but 13 times to defeat George Washington.

After the first dozen finishers, Azrael covered George Washington but the Founding Father kicked out at two and a half.

The first four times this happened were quite exciting but by the eighth time the crowd started to leave. By the 11th time, the majority of Slamnatics were either waiting in line at a concession stand or sleeping.

When Azrael finally pinned G.W. it was met with silence.

Boring victory or not, Azrael is now in the quarterfinals of The Slammables tournament to determine the number one contender for the Men's Global Slampioinship which is currently held by Colossus Maximus.

General Major Successfully Battles Superstar

Mat Soldiers rallied and lifted General Major to victory in his opening round match of The Slammables Tournament to decide the number one contender.

General Major's opponent was Superstar.

Superstar looked like he had the match won after he broke General Major's arm, ruptured his spleen, and hyperextended his knee.

Then, the Mat Soldiers voice their support. Their energy enabled General Major to give Superstar the "Stars and Stripes," his finishing move.

The decorated soldier quickly covered Superstar for the one-two-three.

As for General Major's condition, he said he'll be fine for his quarterfinal match against Azrael Draven. He's going to consume a power bar, pop a couple of aspirins, and take a five-minute cold shower.

"I'll be ready to go. Nothing is going to stop me from becoming the next Men's Global Slampion."

Sunday, May 15, 2016

Mailman Delivers, Reynolds Not Spectacular

The Mailman is now one of the eight Slammables that will compete to be named number one contender for the Men's Global Slampionship during Tuesday's CAW IS WAR.

He became one of those eight men after defeating "Spectacular" Mike Reynolds.

The Mailman will face Big Ham on Tuesday's CAW IS WAR.

During the match, The Mailman accidently struck the referee. The referee got back up like nothing happened. The wrestlers accidently struck the referee three more times before he actually fell down.

While the referee was recuperating and not paying attention to the match, Mailman went to his mail bag, grabbed a Sears catalog, and struck Reynolds on the back of the head. Just then, the referee came to and counted Reynolds out.