The Slammables Invests Heavily In New Technology

The Slammables Invests Heavily In New Technology

To prevent technically difficulties that occurred in CAW IS WAR Episode #10, The Powers-That-Be at The Slammables have made a substantial investment in new technology.

This new technology will aid in the promotion's live broadcasts and when they make coffee.

The big purchases include the TP-Link N300, a VersionTech KOTION G2000 3.5mm broadcast suite, and a Keurig Hot K2000 2.0 Plus Series Single Serve Coffee Maker.

The Slammables did not release the exact amount they spent on the TP-Link N300, a VersionTech KOTION G2000 3.5mm broadcast suite, and Keurig Hot K2000 2.0 Plus Series Single Serve Coffee Maker but people who know absolutely nothing about such things estimate the equipment to be around $1.3 gazillion.

"We were very upset with the technical difficulties experienced during episode ten. So we decided we needed to do something and that something was to throw a bunch of money at the problem. Also, we wanted waffles and hitherto we could only make pancakes," explained The Slammables CFO.

The equipment will be installed within the next day or two in time for the next episode of CAW IS WAR.

"I'm very happy! I love a good cup of coffee!" yells Brad The Ninja.

"The equipment is very heavy," notes The Mailman. "I should know I delivered it."

"I hope I don't spill any of the coffee on me... or the TP-Link N300, or the VersionTech KOTION G2000 3.5mm broadcast suite!" proclaimed Dirty Diana.

Mike Reynolds R.I.P. 2016-2016

Mike Reynolds R.I.P. 2016-2016

The Slammables Mike Reynolds has died in a freak vending machine accident.

Reynolds misjudged an eight-ounce can of Old Country Time Lemonade. The Surgeon said he never had a chance but he did died refreshed.

Adding insult to injury, the machine kept his change.

Everyone connected with The Slammables, except for one person, sends their condolences to the Reynolds family.

Reynolds was an awful wrestler and a below average performer, but he was adored by his fellow Slammables (except for one).

"Reynolds will be missed and I'm never using a vending machine again," said The Olympian.

"Mike was a real nice guy. Everyone loved him, well everyone except for one person," explained Babe.

"If you think his death was an accident, you're crazy. He was murdered as part of a conspiracy. That's all I can say about right now," whispered "The Real Deal" Ryan Davis.

Oddly enough memorial services were held last week while Reynolds was still alive. His memorial service followed that of his late great uncle. Reynolds capitalized on a 2-for-1 Groupon for a funeral home.

The Slammables Partner To Fight Clematis

The Slammables Partner To Fight Clematis

The Slammables have announced a partnership with the nonprofit Diseases Schmiseases to fight Clematis.

Clematis affects a bunch of people every year, usually those with outdoor gardens.

The partnership will include personal appearances, awareness raising, and dead-heading.

It begins in earnest this Tuesday night on CAW IS RAW. The arena will be branding with the campaign and wrestlers will wear the white flower which symbolizes Clematis awareness.

"We are proud to partner with Diseases Schmiseases to raise awareness for a debilitating ailment, like Clematis. The Slammables care about people and their diseases. Hopefully, we can all prune this awful calamity before the end of the decade," said "The Real Deal" Ryan Davis on his way to the gym.

This is the first time Diseases Schmiseases has partner with a virtual wrestling promotion. All of their previous partnerships have been with semi-pro Slovakian handball teams.

"To partner with a group like The Slammables is an opportunity to good to pass up. I mean they have literally ones of fans," gushed Ran Unculaceae, executive director of Diseases Schmiseases.

CAW IS RAW - Episode #9 RESULTS!!!!

CAW IS RAW - Episode #9 RESULTS!!!!

Tuesday night was Ladies Night on CAW IS WAR. Every match featured female competitors. The entire female portion of the Slammables roster appeared on episode number nine.

Match 1
Little Kane throttles Kathy in a falls count anywhere match.

Match 2
Sugarfoot, with Flapjack in her corner, gets the 1-2-3 over Maverick.

Match 3
Bombshell climbs out of the steel cage to triumph over Good Girl, the number one contender for the Women's World Slampionship.

Match 4
Marilyn The Monster pins Dirty Diana to win a triple threat match. The third member of this match was Zynda The Witch.

Match 5
The Basket Case makes her Slammables debut but fails to defeat Babe in a submission match.