The Slammables: May 2016

Saturday, May 28, 2016

Deep Threat PPV Coming In June

The Slammables third PPV, Deep Threat, is set to go down on the third Sunday of June or June 19th.

The main event will see The Babe defend her Women's World Slampionship against Good Girl.

Opening the night, will be Team of Tag Slampions, The C.I.A. (Alpha and Omega), putting their belts on the line against The Chick Magnets (McGorilla McGregor and Cottonbelly).

Somewhere in between will be a ladder match. The ladders involved have not yet been named.

Also on the card will be The Olympian, "The Real Deal" Ryan Davis, and Corey the referee.

The Slammables first PPV, Caw @ The Aquarium, was held in April.

In May, fans enjoyed Time of Month.

Wednesday, May 25, 2016

CAW IS RAW - Episode #8 RESULTS!!!!

The main event sequence contained four matches, all featuring Colossus Maximus.

Match 1
The Chest Club, Babe and Bombshell, defeat Good Girl and Maverick.

Match 2
Big Ham escapes the steel cage first and gets the win over Azrael Draven.

Match 3
Clark Schliebe rallies to pin Superstar in a falls count anywhere match.

Match 4

"The Real Deal" Ryan Davis decimates Colossus Maximus in an extreme rules match.

Match 5

Christian Crimson uses his finishing move twice to down Maximus, also in an extreme rules match.

Match 6

Crimson and Davis pick up an easy victory over Maximus in a 2-on-1 handicap match.

Match 7

The Olympian successfully defends his title as he mercifully pins Maximus in the center of the ring.

Maximus, forced to compete in his rematch after wrestling in three consecutive tilts, now goes to the back of his line. He also goes to the hospital with multiple lacerations, a broken rib, and a concussion.

Tuesday, May 24, 2016

MAJOR NEWS: Crimson Wakes, Davis Vindicated, Maximus Not Punished!!!

Christian Crimson awoke today from his coma, a coma he entered during a match with "The Real Deal" Ryan Davis.

The powers-that-be, fearing Davis was responsible, suspended the Slammable indefinitely.

Upon waking, Crimson cleared Davis of any wrong doing and blamed former Men's Global Slampion Colossus Maximus. Crimson said Maximus gave him a poisoned shrimp before his match against Davis.

Crimson eats crustaceans before every match. It is his ritual.

When confronted with Crimson's accusation, Maximus denied nothing. He said he did what he had to do to Slammables who "really weren't that important."

The powers that be have reinstated Ryan Davis. Christian Crimson has also been cleared to wrestler. Both Slammables will be at Tuesday night's CAW IS WAR.

As for Colossus Maximus, the powers have no plans to punish him.

In fact...

This Tuesday night, Colossus Maximus will get his rematch against current Men's Global Slampion, The Olympian.

However...

Before that match, Maximus will face Davis in an extreme rules match. Then he'll face Christian Crimson in an extreme rules match.

Following that match, Maximus will wrestle Crimson and Davis in one-on-two handicap tag match.

Immediately, at the conclusion of that match, Maximus, or what's left of him, will take on The Olympian.

So, that will be Colossus Maximus' Tuesday night,, but The Slammabes have no plans to punish Maximus "

Monday, May 23, 2016

Time Of Month PPV - RESULTS!!!

The Slammables second PPV saw the transfer of two titles. Meanwhile, the men needed a tournament to decide their number one contender. The women's division only needed one match.

Match 1
In their Slammables debut, The Villagers defeat Hein & Klein.

Match 2
Good Girl pins Bombshell to become the number one contender for the Women's World Slampionship.

Match 3
After losing twice in a row to Big Ham, Azrael Draven finally beats his rival.

Match 4
The Cyborgs In Action get the 1-2-3 over The Faces of Fear to capture the Team of Tag belts.

Match 5
The Babe uses her "Babe Hug" to force Little Kane to submit. With the win, Babe retains her Women's World Slampionship.

Match 6
"The Samoan" Jacob Goldman blitzes The Rockstar to pick up an easy victory.

Match 7
The Olympian upends Colossus Maximus via submission to claim the Men's Global Slampionship.

Also, Sugarfoot accompanied The Villagers to the ring while Marilyn The Monster was in Little Kane's corner.

Sunday, May 22, 2016

The Olympian Wins Belt At Time Of Month

The Olympian forced Colossus Maximus to tap out in the main event of The Slammables' second PPV, Time of Month.

With the victory, The Olympian captures the Men's World Slampionship.

Maximus was in control for most of the match. He even stopped two pinning opportunities he had over The Olympian. He stopped his pins, both times he appeared to be on the verge of victory. to humiliate and punish The Olympian.

Then, seemingly out of nowhere, The Olympian put Maximus in The Sleater-Kinney. Before Slamnatics knew it, the champ was submitting.

"I can't believe I'm the Men's World Slampion. There are so many great wrestlers in The Slammables and for me to hold the title is beyond belief. I want to thank all my friends, family, and legislators in Olympia as well as all my fans. I couldn't have done this without you," The Olympian told a fake houseplant after the match.

As for Colossus Maximus, he seemed nonplussed. He was so dominate, and twice had the match won, thtat it's hard to fathom, especially for him, an Olympian victory

Wednesday, May 18, 2016

Time Of Month PPV This Sunday

The Slammables second PPV is scheduled for Sunday night @ 9pm on Twitch.

The evening's main event is a Men's Global Slampionship match between title holder Colossus Maximus and number one contender The Olympian.

Th Olympian earned a title shot thanks to winning the Slammables number one contender tournament. To survive the 17-man tournament, The Olympian defeated Pete Townshend, The Horseman, Slugger, Clark Schliebe, and Azrael Draven.

By virtue of drawing lots, The Olympian was forced to wrestle Townshend in an opening round match.

Before the main event, Babe will defend her Women's World Slampionship against Little Kane and The Faces of Fear put their belts on the line when they square off against The Cyborgs of Action.

Also on the card are "The Samoan" Jacob Goldman, Bombshell, and The Villagers.

Once again, Big Ham will tangle with Azrael Draven. Their feud started a couple of weeks ago on twitter.

Tuesday, May 17, 2016

The Olympian Wins Tournament, Now #1 Contender

The Olympian used his finishing move, The Spar, to defeat Azrael Draven and win The Slammables first ever #1 contender tournament.

The wrestler from Washington State will now face Colossus Maximus at Sunday's PPV, Time of Month.

"This is the second greatest night of my wrestling life. The greatest night of my wrestling life was when I found a $20 bill on the way to the ring. That was cool."

To become number one contender, The Olympian had to defeat Slugger, Clark Schliebe, and Azrael Draven.

Azrael had advanced to finals after defeating General Major and Big Ham.

Backstage, after the match, Big Ham reportedly laughed so hard he pulled a muscle.

If you recall, Big Ham and Azrael wrestled last week on CAW IS WAR to settle a Twitter feud.

Elite Eight For #1 Contender Tournament

The field is set.

Tonight on CAW IS WAR the quarterfinals, semifinals, and finals will take place.

Eight Slammables have a chance to become the number one contender for the Men's Global Slampionship. To do so they must win three matches in a row.

The winner of the tournament will face Colossus Maximus at May's PPV, Time Of Month. That event is scheduled to go down this Sunday.

The first match will feature The Olympian vs. Slugger. After that, Clark Schliebe battles "The Samoan" Jacob Goldman. The winners of both matches will meet in the semifinals.

On the other side of the bracket, Big Ham tangles with The Mailman and Azrael Draven clashes with General Major.

Monday, May 16, 2016

The Olympian Advances, The Horseman Does Not

The Olympian becomes the first Slammables to win two matches in the number one contender tournament.

He defeated Pete Townshend in the opening round and just a bit ago he downed The Horseman in the first round.

The Olympian is now in the elite eight and will wrestle Slugger for the honor of advancing to the final four. The winner of The Olympian versus Slugger will wrestle the winner of "The Samoan" Jacob Goldman and Clark Schliebe.

The final three rounds of the first ever Slammables tournament will go down Tuesday on CAW IS WAR. The winner of the tourney will face Men's Global Slampion Colossus Maximus at the May PPV, Time of Month.

The Olympian defeated The Horseman via submission.

The Olympian put The Horseman in the Sleater-Kinney only to see him wriggle free. After administering his finishing move, The Spar, The Olympian put The Horseman in yet another Sleater-Kinney.

This time The Horseman didn't escape. He tapped out.

Goldman Silences The Rockstar

"The Samoan" Jacob Goldman silenced The Rockstar with his high flying antics to advance to the quarterfinals of The Slammables tournament to decide the number one contender for the Men's Global Slampionship.

Goldman will now clash with Clark Schliebe this Tuesday on CAW IS WAR.

The winner of that match will face the winner of The Olympian versus Slugger contest.

The current Slammpion is Colossus Maximus.

The Rockstar showed up 62 minutes late and then spent several moments jumping off the top rope and yelling at an imaginary dragon.

When The Rockstar started to come down that's when Goldman started to take over. After a few strikes, a couple of flying clotheslines, the Samoan took to the top turnbuckles.

Once Goldman started flying it was only a matter of time before he picked up the victory.

Azrael Impeaches Washington, Moves On

Azrael Draven needed to use his finishing move, The Orc Smasher, not once, not twice, not thrice, but 13 times to defeat George Washington.

After the first dozen finishers, Azrael covered George Washington but the Founding Father kicked out at two and a half.

The first four times this happened were quite exciting but by the eighth time the crowd started to leave. By the 11th time, the majority of Slamnatics were either waiting in line at a concession stand or sleeping.

When Azrael finally pinned G.W. it was met with silence.

Boring victory or not, Azrael is now in the quarterfinals of The Slammables tournament to determine the number one contender for the Men's Global Slampioinship which is currently held by Colossus Maximus.

General Major Successfully Battles Superstar

Mat Soldiers rallied and lifted General Major to victory in his opening round match of The Slammables Tournament to decide the number one contender.

General Major's opponent was Superstar.

Superstar looked like he had the match won after he broke General Major's arm, ruptured his spleen, and hyperextended his knee.

Then, the Mat Soldiers voice their support. Their energy enabled General Major to give Superstar the "Stars and Stripes," his finishing move.

The decorated soldier quickly covered Superstar for the one-two-three.

As for General Major's condition, he said he'll be fine for his quarterfinal match against Azrael Draven. He's going to consume a power bar, pop a couple of aspirins, and take a five-minute cold shower.

"I'll be ready to go. Nothing is going to stop me from becoming the next Men's Global Slampion."

Sunday, May 15, 2016

Mailman Delivers, Reynolds Not Spectacular

The Mailman is now one of the eight Slammables that will compete to be named number one contender for the Men's Global Slampionship during Tuesday's CAW IS WAR.

He became one of those eight men after defeating "Spectacular" Mike Reynolds.

The Mailman will face Big Ham on Tuesday's CAW IS WAR.

During the match, The Mailman accidently struck the referee. The referee got back up like nothing happened. The wrestlers accidently struck the referee three more times before he actually fell down.

While the referee was recuperating and not paying attention to the match, Mailman went to his mail bag, grabbed a Sears catalog, and struck Reynolds on the back of the head. Just then, the referee came to and counted Reynolds out.

Schliebe Shaves Bearwolfe, Advances To Next Round

Clark Schliebe advances to the round 8 to determine The Slammables number one contender for the Men's Global Slampionship by getting a victory over Bearwolfe.

The match was back and forth for quite some time until Schliebe threw Bearwolfe out of the ring and against the barrier. That's when Bearwolfe got his hair stuck and couldn't answer the referee's count.

Therefore, Clark Schliebe was awarded a count out victory.

Emergency workers rushed to Bearwolfe's side but due to the angle of his body they were unable to help. So, Bearwolfe had to get himself free. In the process, he pulled out a large clump of chest hair.

Bearwolfe yelps were so frightening that some suggested he be put down. Then everyone remembered that he's not really a bear, or a wolf, or any combination of the two. He's just a very hairy man.

They gave him ab aspirin and a shot of rye.

Schliebe will face the winner of The Rockstar versus "The Samoan" Jacob Goldman.

Slammables Attends NXT House Show In Portland

On Saturday, May 14 The Slammables attended an NXT house show in Portland, Oregon at the MODA Center.

The main event featured NXT Champion Samoan Joe versus Finn Balor. The champ won and retained his belt.

After the match, the two NXT superstars continue fighting and the entire male half of the locker room were called ringside to stop the melee. They were called out by William Regal.

The Slammables has been to house shows before but this was the first with a jumbotron (albeit a small one), cameras, and a general manager (the aforementioned William Regal).

Obviously, this was a goodwill tour bent on solidifying the brand, winning new adherents, and keeping old ones.

Nonetheless, the wrestling was top notch and it was a very good show.

Also on the card was Bayley, Shinsuke Nakamure, Asuka, Austin Aries, American Alpha, Alexa Bliss, The Revival, The Drifter, and No Way Jose (who was "way" over with the Portland crowd).

Big Ham Oinks Surgeon, One Step Closer To #1 Contender

The Surgeon save lives but he couldn't save himself from Big Ham.

In a quick first round matchup, Big Ham held The Surgeon's shoulder's down in the middle of the squared circle to get the 1-2-3 and advance to the quarterfinals of The Slammables first ever number one contender tournament.

Colossus Maximus is currently the Men's Global Slampion.

Big Ham used his patented move, Pigsty, to subdue The Surgeon and get the victory.

The match lasted two minutes and 36 seconds.

"I was on my oink tonight! I plan to wrestle my oink off throughout this tournament and win the oinking thing," Big Ham said after the tussle.

The Oinker will now face the winner of The Mailman/Mike Reynolds tilt.

That match, as well as all of the other quarterfinal matches, semifinals, and final will occur this Tuesday on CAW IS WAR.

You can catch CAW IS WAR on Twitch at 9pm PDT.

Slugger Advances To Quarterfinals

Slugger used his Grand Slam to pin Brad, The Ninja in the first round of The Slammables tournament to determine the number one contender for the Men's Global Slampionship.

The current Men's Global Slampionship is Colossus Maximus.

Brad, The Ninja wrestled valiantly but he was bested by the larger and stronger ballplayer.

Slugger will face the winner of The Olympian vs. The Horseman match.

That match will take place Tuesday on CAW IS WAR.

Thursday, May 12, 2016

#1 Contender Tournament Bracket Released

Below is the bracket for The Slammables first ever number one contender tournament.

On Thursday, The Olympian defeated Pete Townshend for the right to enter the field of 16.

The Olympian Advances To Round Of 16

The Olympian defeated Pete Townshend in the opening round of The Slammables first ever Number One Contender Tournament. The Washington-based wrestler now advances to the round of 16.

The Olympian's next match will be against The Horseman.

With "The Real Deal" Ryan Davis suspended, Christian Crimson in a coma, and all tag team wrestlers prohibited from competing for the Men's Global Championship, that left 17 wrestlers. Instead of making the tournament 4,8, or 16 strong, the powers that be decided to include every available wrestler on The Slammables roster.

The first round will transpire Friday through Monday while the quarterfinals, semifinals, and finals will take place Tuesday on CAW IS WAR.

#1 Contender Tournament

#1 Contender's Tournament

The powers that be have announced the matchups for the opening round and the first round of the number one contender tournament. These matches will be played between now and Monday.

The quarterfinals, semifinals, and finals will be held Tuesday on CAW IS RAW.

Opening Round
The Olympian vs. Pete Townshend

1st Round
The Olympian or Pete Townshend vs. The Horseman
Slugger vs. Brad The Ninja
Clark Schliebe vs. Bearwolfe
"The Samoan" Jacob Goldman vs. The Rockstar
Big Ham vs. The Surgeon
The Mailman vs. "Spectacular" Mike Reynolds
Azrael Draven vs George Washington
General Major vs. Superstar

Wednesday, May 11, 2016

CAW IS WAR Tournament Will Decide #1 Contender

With "The Real Deal" Ryan Davis on indefinite suspension and Christian Crimson in a coma, the powers that be have announced that there will be a tournament to decide the number one contender for the Men's World Slampionship.

The winner of the tournament will face Men's World Slampion Colossus Maximus at the Time of Month PPV.

This is The Slammables first ever tournament.

The tournament will feature 17 Slammables. The first round will be held Thursday through Monday. The quarterfinals, semifinals, and finals will be held on Tuesday's edition of CAW IS WAR

The powers that be will announce the participants of the 17-man tournament tomorrow, May 12.

Obviously, Davis, Christian, Maximus, and all tag team wrestlers will NOT be in the tournament.

CAW IS WAR is every Tuesday at 9pm (PDT) on Twitch.

CAW IS RAW Episode #6 - RESULTS!!!

The evening started with the debut of The New Natural Disasters but ended in tragedy.

Match 1
The Faces of Fear defeated The New Natural Disasters. Black Death pinned Sunshine.

Match 2
Big Ham used the Pigsty to dispatch Azrael Draven. The two had been feuding on Twitter.

Match 3
Babe needed several pin attempts but she finally got the best of Little Kane.

Match 4
The Cyborgs In Action were too much for The Olympian and "The Samoan" Jacob Goldman.

Match 5
"The Real Deal" Ryan Davis pinned Christian Crimson after he apparently fell unconscious. Crimson was taken to a local hospital and Davis was suspended indefinitely.

For more on this story click here.

Christian Crimson In Coma, Ryan Davis Suspended

The sixth episode of CAW IS WAR ended in controversy, tragedy, and bizarre fashion.

"The Real Deal" Ryan Davis performed his patented crucifix move on Christian Crimson, but double-C kicked out on the count of two.

Then, a moment later, Davis went for the pin again, without performing another move, and this time he got the 1-2-3 for the victory.

There was no celebration as medics quickly rushed to Crimson's side. He was put on a gurney and taken to a local hospital. Shortly thereafter, doctors told The Slammables that Crimson was in a coma.

After the match, Davis told reporters, and a lost gill netter, that he went for the second cover after he saw Crimson's eyes roll back into his head. After the bell rung to end the match, Davis quickly signal for medical personnel to come to the ring.

"I'm very concerned about Chris. My gut tells me something was wrong with him before he entered the ring, but I really hope, I mean I really hope, that I didn't put him into a coma. That would crush me."

Davis and Crimson were close friends before the latter betrayed the former at Slam-Genesis.

In response to tonight's main event match, the Powers-That-Be have suspended Davis indefinitely.

Sunday, May 8, 2016

The New Natural Disasters Set To Debut On CAW IS RAW

A new tag team will make their debut Tuesday night on CAW IS RAW.

The New Natural Disasters are signed to battle the Team of Tag Slampions (trademark pending), The Faces of Fear.

The New Natural Disasters are comprised of Avalanche and Sunshine. Avalanche's finishing move is "Buried Alive" while Sunshine's is "Solar Power."

"We are really excited about joining The Slammables and competing in their awesome Team of Tag division. It's disaster time!" said Avalanche.

"Here comes the sun," exclaimed Sunshine.

You might be asking how "Sunshine" is a natural disaster. We don't create the gimmicks. We just report them.

Wednesday, May 4, 2016

CAW IS RAW Episode #5 - RESULTS!!!

CAW IS RAW Episode #4 - RESULTS!!!

Although it was marred by technical problems, the 5th episode of CAW IS WAR goes down as one of the best.

Match 1
The Faces of Fear get the TKO over Hein and Klein. Klein was knocked unconscious early in the match forcing his team to forfeit. In real life, the game crashed.

Match 2
Little Kane pinned Good Girl in a terse triple threat match. Women's World Slampion (trademark pending) Babe also wrestled in this contest that, at times, seemed like it was never going to end.

Match 3
Dirty Diana got a clean pin against Sugarfoot.

Match 4
Men's Global Slampion (trademark pending) Colossus Maximus slammed Brad The Ninja in the center of the ring to get the 1-2-3.

Match 5
The geek ain't meek. Clark Schliebe is too much for The Olympian. The nerd wins by pinfall.

Match 6
Ryan Davis dominates Slugger for yet another victory on CAW IS RAW.

The Slammables return next Tuesday at 9pm PDT. Don't forget, The Slammables second PPV, Time of Month, is May 21.